The reality of self-improvement when neurodiverse
After reading an article about MasterChef Judge Gregg Wallace's sexual harassment allegations being tied to him being autistic, I was surprisingly left troubled. In my life, I have been constantly surrounded by neurodiverse individuals, reasoning and explaining their behaviour and my own. But today, I wanted to dig deeper and be more retrospective, looking into the realities of self-improvement as someone who clearly thinks differently. It’s the very reason why I encourage people to get diagnosed: to be able to provide a medical foundation of the way in which they experience life and to be able to explain to others when we may act differently or fall short of their expectations. But it led me to think about the many occasions I have asked myself if I am using my ADHD as an excuse. Can I change and be better even though this encompasses my condition? How practical is showing grace to neurodiverse people when life gets real?
The reality is that self-improvement, whether you are neurodiverse or not, is difficult. For me, I’ve always struggled with consistency. For neurodiverse individuals, it can be heightened by the lingering self-doubt and the symptoms tied to our conditions that seem to become our truth. I remember reading an article specifying that people with ADHD struggle with money and were explicitly named impulsive spenders. I knew this wasn’t my reality, but to this day, it lingers in my mind, reminding me to slow down; sometimes, it arises, causing guilt and worry in my heart. For my ex, who was neurodiverse, it left him in a space where he began to withhold saying certain things from me, in fear that his bluntness associated with Aspergers would upset me. It left us in a space of constantly asking each other to try and change the qualities tied to our conditions. Imagine that. Therefore, the concept of wanting to improve and be better is not unfamiliar territory to me.
I have found a few things on my journey of self-improvement, the biggest one being that neurodiverse individuals will likely need more time. The hardest part to decipher is being patient with yourself but not an enabler; you need to set a standard for the type of person you want to be and not who your conditions tell you you are. Comparing yourself to neurotypicals will leave you in a space of defeat and feeling deflated by the reality you are different. Finding someone you trust to discuss with you and hold you accountable has been a big one for me, as heightened emotions can often skew my decisions. In Gregg Wallace’s case, if autistic, reflecting with someone on the reactions of others around you upon exhibiting certain behaviour, especially when being autistic, is a good place to start. Creating your version of the ideal, rather than striving for society's version, as waking up every day at 6 am to go to the gym may not work for you, but going to the gym whenever you have an energy surge may do.
In this period of reflection, I urge you to remember as we enter a new year where thoughts of self-improvement are encouraged, at some point, we lose grasp of the feeling of wanting to be new and default, even then be encouraged to do right by yourself and others.
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Great read. As someone who hasn’t got a diagnosis but feels as though many of these symptoms relate to me thus really hit home. Self improvement is so hard but I also think as part of my reflections the next action is to sit down with a professional and find out what’s what.